Wrote this poem about my Father who struggled with alcoholism.  Sad, disappointing for his children and his family, but hopefully we learn from his mistakes.

The smart
good looking
brainy JPL engineer,
with a fashion
flair,
Neru jackets,
(not his best),
good black suits,
with crisp white shirts.
A great chef, yard
afficianado, duck
caretaker, creator
of playhouses,
sending various
mariner missions
into space and
tracking the information
that the orbitors send
back. A high pressure
job, but interesting.
An uphill climb
until age 40-45-advancement
financial security and
first class travel.
Then quickly downhill –
drunkenness at work
conferences,
not showing up to work-
booze on his breath, and
many excuses.
Three dry out clinics
with lots of Hershey bars
and various drug and
alcohol addicts
including much counseling.
Loosing keys, police
calling, my father drunk in
hotel room, Calls from
Dad, Can you rescue me?
Pick ups from
seedy LA hospitals
and alcohol prevention
clinics.
My good looking Dad,
looked like a bum.
I actually did not recognize him
once-I walked right past him.
My own Father, unrecognizable
to me.
Then an Asian wife-
lots of Asian girlfriends.
After that divorce,
two burnt down apartments,
where he left his cigarette
going when he was out of it.
Blackouts, California taking
away his driver’s license.
Wandering around his
apartment complex
drunk and naked,
your understanding
neighbors shooing you
back inside.
My good, successful
father reduced to this.
I remember he didn’t show
up the last time
we had planned to get
together.  I was always heart-
broken, my last possible
chance to see him and he
didn’t show up because
he was drunk.
I hadn’t seen him
in 6 months before
he died, not because
I didn’t want to
but because he kept
backing out because
he was drunk.
My brainiac Father
became a danger to
those around him
because he couldn’t
turn it around.
I know he wanted
to, but it had a hold
on him and wouldn’t
let go.
I still miss him,
the real him.
I accept that he
had  truly tried but
couldn’t change permanently
and didn’t make it out.
A hold that wouldn’t
release him and that
he couldn’t break.
Miss you still Dad.

Jewel Roberts 1-10-2017