24 Years

Today it has been
24 years, since
you left this earth
and those you love
behind.
The anniversary hits
me hard,
realizing it’s been so
long and you have
missed so much.
There are always the
questions.
What would it have been
like if you had stayed?
Would those added years
just bring more pain,
pain for you,
and pain for us as
your children.
or would you have
conquered addiction
if given more time?
Were you afraid,
did you feel alone
when you left?
Were you angry at us
for being so troubled
by your troubling condition?
But today I will think
positive thoughts.
Thoughts that you were
sad to leave us.
That your parental love
is all accepting and comforting.
I miss the you
that was smart and funny,
that loved gardening, cooking and
puttering around the house.
The “hefty” handsome Silva thins man who
lived and loved and lost.
How much I wish you had
won that battle and been
here with us to see all the
wonderful times.
It was the end of hope-
24 years ago today.
Hope that you would win,
so I hope instead that you
are free, wherever that
may be.
A hawk soaring through
the sky.
Free from all that
bound you to this earth
and that sometimes that
brush of wind may be
you reminding me of how
much I am loved.
And I will remind you how
much you are missed.
24 years later.

Love, Julie

Wales Trip

Here is my poem about the experience:

Wales

Great

green slopes

flow down

as if cut

by glacial

ice many moons ago.

The trees a

potpourri of

types and hues.

Pine, Alders, Birch

and Willows,

abound in this place,

full of low valleys

and high mountains

green as if it

rained everyday.

A place that

surprises me,

beauty unsurpassed

history, Quakers,

hidden spiritual

meeting places,

persecution and

longing to worship freely.

My husband wanders

the cemetery

searching for

Roberts and Ellis names

on the headstones.

So intent on searching for

his background.

Lost in thought

of distant and long ago

relatives.

A black and white cat

crosses my path and

comes to say “HI”.

He acts as if he owns the

place.

It almost feels

as if the cat is a

reincarnation of

some past relative

coming to reach out to me.

I sit enjoying

the beautiful churchyard,

my husband so intent on

finding a connection.

I don’t think he knows,

the connection is there already.

I see it in you, your siblings,

your father and your grandparents.

Kindness, honesty, goodness,

a quietness that allows you

to listen intently to all around you.

They have been with you all

along, guiding you in the

Quaker way of life.

As we sat at the secret Quaker

meeting sight

at Tyddyn Y Garreg

below a huge rock altar

I could hear their longing

to be free.

To be what

they wanted,

worship as they wished.

They risked all by going

to this new promised land.

Shhh..quiet…

we are here

with you always.

Love to all, Julie and Chris